i hate the fact that you can't logic away some feelings. or any of them, for that matter.
life would be soooooo much easier.


okay i concede it'll also be a whole lot less fun.
but less painful.
but less fun.
= /
HOW?!
hedonism or plain survival?
*short-lived conflict*
FUN! :D


hahahaha that did not make things easier.
xD

days like these i know we were made for eternity.

you can listen to the most beautiful, most achingly blissful pieces of music and they're amazing, they're soul-swelling, they make you cry with joy and bittersweetness and they make you feel like the entire human race is just so heartrendingly endearing in their earnestness and their will to live, and yet the most painful part of this is that it inspires the darkest, most terrifying yearning for something more, an unexplainable conviction stirring in the deepest, unspeakable parts of ourselves that there must be an ultimate paradise to be found from all this searching, all this longing and love and life and loss that we can only helplessly express through constant catharsis in art and music and dance and even just striving for our everyday goals and finding contentment in a pure blue sky but down there -

it isn't enough.

and it's because we were made for a higher purpose; we were so fearfully painstakingly joyfully wonderfully brought into this earth and someone, some awesome beautiful one out there, is just waiting for all of us to finally, at long last, realize His love for us and begin preparing for the perfect paradise that will last long long after this earth has faded away and it's but a shadow of a memory. we're lost in this huge world, we're insignificant transient specks who struggle to find meaning and worth in a globe that just wants to move on and on and on and some days we just flop over and our friends seem so far away (when they're probably experiencing the same troubles, but i've realized this isn't something you can ever fully share unless you get in each other's minds) and you're just so tired and there's God, there's Jesus waiting ever so heartachingly patient and He invites us to lose ourselves in His glory and live for Him, and in that we will always always find our true and significant worth because He loves us SO much. (:

and so we will live as expressions of His love, reflections of His glory, eternally joyful in the light of His own enjoyment of His creation. Life won't be easy, but what a comfort that we know He's always holding our hand. :D

and till we see Jesus face to face, we'll trust in Him, and do our best on this earth to reflect more and more of Jesus' own perfect character. (:

so i'll stand
with arms high and heart abandoned
in awe
of the One who gave it all
so i'll stand
my soul LORD to You surrendered
all i am
is Yours

xD

(you're like the sky. enchanting, everywhere i go, and ever unreachable.)

there's no where else i'd rather be than where i am in life right now. because if i were somewhere else, i wouldn't have had all the experiences i've had, met all the people i've met and been sunk in the depression and risen on the kind of joy that i have. there was real danger of me being in any other class than point seventeen (whom i love) because i was almost going to take B&M and spanish ab and stuff. but no -
and it's
point seventeen
point seventeen
point seventeen
point seventeen
point seventeen
POINT SEVENTEEN FOREVER
especially the ones in art xD
and my brother whom i also love
and the rest of the lot who are such blessed manifestations of 'awesome'.
<3333333333333333333333333333


and. i'll never know what i'm missing out on by coming THIS particular way with THIS particular group of friends in THIS very point in time which is so overwhelmingly insignificant in all the numerous probabilities that could occur in life. in fact nobody knows what they're missing when they're where they are instead of somewhere else. but at least in my case, you know what -

i don't want to be anywhere else, danggit.
<3

have you ever loved some friends so much you'd cry for their joy or sorrow?
i know i have and heaven knows the number of times i've cried over these people in the past week/month and it's like when they're sad you'd break your body your heart to do anything for them and when they're happy it's as though THE SUN JUST CAME UP ON THE HORIZON. or like being washed in starlight and the aurora borealis and everything is beautiful beautiful beautiful <333 and sometimes when the Lord is kind and you contributed to their YAYNESS in some way you'd be glowing with pure joy for the rest of the week xDDDD

and i'm like the scaredest of pain and things but when i think about these people i can actually convince myself that i'd take a bullet for them and ahhhhhhh hahahahaha i want to give all of them a real big hug right now and tell them how much they mean to me but oh well that can wait and just for now LOVING IS SWEET. ((((((((((:

okay back to owning IB work! ((((((: ALL THE BEST EVERYONE :D:D:D:D:D:D:D I LOVE YOU ALL TOO <3333333>

You coloured my life @
8:26 PM

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

every now and then an image of the most breathtaking cityscape fills my mind and i swear it is beautiful; the azure sky and the sprawling clouds and the city, the glorious city of light is below, it is steel and glass and concrete and perfect and concentrated and organized and rich; it is unfathomable despite its coherence to mathematical algorithms and surgical precision, and its people are isolated; they sit in gleaming Fords and Coopers and Lamborghinis and apartments and penthouses and at street corners and they are separated by glass steel concrete and air, air filled with noise that doesn't reach the heart and you zoom in on the whole compact urban utopia, you're closer and closer and you're rushing past the skyscrapers to the level of traffic and you whiz past the cars and traffic lights and one-way signs and you find yourself in an apartment on one of the first few floors; and it's a paradox where you hear the city but not the people and even that is muffled by the hum of the aircon, the oppressive, comforting silence of the isolated apartment, one in a million, the azure sky blazing above. and in the room is a tiny studio, worn out wooden floorboards and mirrors and barres and salmon pink curtains and music, and i'm there and i'm away from home, i'm dystopically lost in the utopia of brilliant cities, but i'm finding home just being engrossed in what i do breathe love: dance.

<3 xD

I WANT A HOLIDAY. for a really extended period of time. (:
one day i'm going hitch-hiking and i probably won't come back.
and i'll flag down a passing starship and get off to see what jon osterman did on mars, then off to the andromedea galaxy where i probably have dopplegangers all ready to have a tea party together.

hahahahha TAKE CARE YOU GUYS (:
with every drop of love,
jaimeeeeeee. xD

You coloured my life @
10:37 PM

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

omt haven't been here for the longest time how're you all doing! xD

anyway i haven't had anything specific to talk about for a really, really really really long time simply because LIFE HAS BEEN FREAKING AWESOME AND I HEART HEART HEART MY CLASS and everyone in the school i talk to. (((((((: they are all so easy to love sometimes they really really render the concept of ethical egoism irrelevant, because you genuinely want to see them happy and you'd go altruistic for it. xDDDDDD (not that i'd achieved the nirvana of altruism yet though; working on it ^^)

and i WOULD complain about the knee-which-i-can't-bend, the one that i scraped while trying to save myself from falling after a skid on the pavement on a wet morning and stubbornly refusing to let go of the stuff in both my hands to break my fall and ending up doing this really cool dance-ish one-kneed dash on the floor, 'cept that it was the pavement i was scudding over and my knee was clad in wimpy bare skin which all tore apart and stuff and up to now is still oozing pus, and is being perpetually agitated by extremeeeee cca!dance moves and accidental kneeling-on-the-wrong-knee incidents, and is really one big hilarious farce, but i think i'll save you the pain of reading about such mundane woes of the flesh and move on to PUBLIC TRANSPORT.

i swear public transport is the EPITOME of day-to-day civilian politics. first of all you learn that ultimate punctuality is not determined by the numbers on your watch, but is dictated by the presence of certain particular persons appearing at THIS particular time standing at THAT particular door, and this is where AD POPULUM is law. next, every morning a regular public-transport-commuter will negotiate the complicated and delicate procedures of fitting oneself onto an unevenly crowded train, achieving just the right balance of aggression and courtesy required to find oneself a space in this heatedly competitive and physically constrained community, and hence get on with life or the nine to five or whatever. everyday you will meet with different diplomatic obstacles - chain smokers breathing down your face, well-covered people creating manoeveurability problems... the regular commuter will be forced to use Skills to avoid direct confrontations while maximizing personal comfort; turning the head just so in this casual manner to reach a pocket of nicotine-free oxygen, achieving stability on the perilously rocking train by fitting one's foot into such niches on the floor while holding the upper body still so as not to aggravate the problem of spacial shortage already compounded by the presence of aforementioned well-covered persons and so on. :D this, of course, is all carried out while negotiating the PHYSICAL tricks and sneaky jerks the train loves to make on a regular, predictable basis (to the veterans, that is), compensating by using muscles you never knew you had to attain the most impossible victories against inertia and centrifugal force, but rewarded with the satisfaction of an elegant upright position which defies all laws of Physics.

honestly. life happens on trains. albeit on a miniscule, accelerated scale.

OKAY GOTTA GO SEE YOU GUYS xD
<33333

You coloured my life @
9:08 PM

Monday, April 20, 2009

and i'm just here again firstly to let ya'll know that i'm not dead, and secondly to declare that I WILL CONQUER WITH THE HELP OF THE FATHER. so there. i'm eating life's lemons and lovin' it.

to the rest of you, HWAITING! (: any awesome stuff to share, just say xD

<3 jaime

You coloured my life @
10:54 PM

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